Friday, July 24, 2009

Baa baa Black sheep.......

The image was goggled and taken from ""

Baa baa black sheep
Have you any wool?
Yes sir, yes sir
Three bags full.
One for my master,
One for my dame,
And one for the little boy
Who lives down the lane.

One to the master,
One to the dame,
And one to the little boy
Who lives down the lane.

Baa baa black sheep
Have you wool today?
No sir, no sir
I’ve given it away.
A bag to my master,
A bag to my dame,
A bag to the little boy
Who lives down the lane.

One to the master
One to the dame,
And one to the little boy
Who lives down the lane.

Its been a few days since I wrote anything here. No, I did not go for BTN too...hehe...

The black sheep is back in town....Its not nice to label him that but its the most accurate words to describe him.

By him I mean my elder brother. I don't know if I should write this at all. It is like opening a big dark secret to the public. But, this is my blog and what kind of hell I had not been through all my life. Nothing can harm me in the blog sphere....

Okay, here I go...

My elder brother who is the sixth of my parents seeds is a junkie. Yup..a JUNKIE... a damn hardcore junkie...he's 32 now and he's been in this state of the dead for more than 10 years now. Yes he caused trouble for everybody in the family for far too many to count....

We gave him chances and chances and chances and chances to change skin but it had always been disappointing. And now, one more chance for him to change. He just got relieved from the rehab for his second time and everybody hope this time the rehab bleached his wretched dirty soul and let him loose on a greener path.

I was amazed on how everybody is so optimistic about this. I still got this kind of uncertainty in me. I played it cool. I have always know how to act optimistic even when my mind is taking the other road. I put on the masks of smile and laughter and trust that even I believed me too. I pretend too much that I forgot which is the reality and which is fiction.

I do not hate him, I pity him but there is a kind of feeling when my trust had been trample over and over and over and over again that there is insecurity that built like a wall of stones and steal to protect the soft spot. It will takes months before the barrier is down.

Its been a week. Yes a week and I was right not to put my guard down.

All this while he played the repentant sinner act so well that the family believed in him. He got everything he needs. Money, vehicle, trust and everything nice but it seem that all of these were not enough for him. Not to my great surprise I caught him red handed smoking weeds in the store room...Yup...a week...just a week...only a week....six days, 16 hours and 24 minutes to be exact and he done it again.

I did not felt angry...nop I didn't.....

I did not gave him a fist to the face...nop I didn't.....

I did not scold him till his ears bleed.....nop I didn't........

I did nothing. nothing at all because two years in the rehab have done no good and nothing good can be done by me that time too.....

One thing I gave him....The look....yup the look.....

I do not have the heart to tell my father about this.... It will break his heart again...after we mend it with tender I can't let it break again.....he's old now....72years old....If anyone is reading this....tell me....tell me what to do.......please....I beg of you.........


sHaH said...

if it is other people, this matter would be easy to deal with..
but it's ur brother...
i know it's difficult to accept that the black sheep has returned home.
however, as a brother, you have the responsibility to look after him.
for me, at least you try to get to know him better.
don't make him feel neglected coz people from rehab are not mentally and emotionally stable.
once they feel neglected, they would be back to their previous life.

and please tell ur father to control him.
dont give him too much freedom but give him support.
whatever it is, he is ur BROTHER and as a family member, u hold a great responsibilty to him and to other siblings as well.
i know it's hard but pray to God that everything will be fine.
sori for the long comment.
i believe that "sharing is caring"

The Writer said...

Hye bro...
I got to know ur blog through

Shah promoted your blog and it's interesting.

I read your post regarding your bro who is a junkie...

I had known a person who is a junkie. all the situation and the reality that you describe about your brother, the dissapointment, the heart break, the many many mistakes being done, I've seen it all.

I have to applaud you for being brave to tell us your story.

My advice to you is that keep on hoping and believe in him. it's important that he knows that there are people who cares for him a simple gestures, or an acknowledgement is all that he needs from people surrounding him.

Bro, I wish you all the luck and I really want you to be strong.

InsyaAllah everything will be alright k.....

Just_najmiE said...


hey, sorry for the state of your brother.. I had an uncle who was a junkie once, and I hated him.. for what he did to my family and all.. I don't know what happened to him after he ran away from home, and frankly, I don't want to know..

but about your brother.. I know he had crush the hopes and dreams of others around him, but maybe you should remind yourself, that he was confused and pulled into the dark world of drugs.. he was a victim of himself.. and maybe you can give him some insight of the world after, the day earth stood still..

tell him, no one can change him if he doesn't want to change.. tell him you will support him when he sees the light to the right way.. tell him he is missing out on life, friends, love and everything good.. tell him you'll always love him as a brother, but it pains you to see him like this..

tell him.. that his whole family loves him..

I hope the best for you.. and thanks for following my blog.. and sorry for the long post.. (^^,)

Max J. Potter said...

salam. man this is hard. i dont even know how to react to the post.

erm. but my friend always said, bila kita buntu..carilah Tuhan. mesti Dia tunjuk apa nk buat. bila kita celik, jangan pulak lupa Tuhan. mesti tahu bersyukur bila-bila pun.

encik silverleaf dah cuba..nasihatkan dia? i mean make it an informal talk..and 'accidentally' induce his thinking with good stuff?

apa2 pun nani doakan sajalah sejahtera kamu semua sekeluarga, ya?

p/s: replied to your comment already. yes, please do the tag if you want. then let me know once you're done. =)

Silverleaf said...

thank you for all the comments...i appreciated all of your thoughts...

I done all i can for him and the family....If I can compile all the advised that we had given him then it be a thick book...but he is still the same.....don't worry, I didn't given up yet....I'll try and try for eternity if I have to....

Just_najmiE said...

hey, how's ur brother now?.. u never did a follow up story..

Silverleaf said...

ohhh...he's staying with my other brothers....working now...I hope he changes too....

Just_najmiE said...

so how many siblings do u have?.. 6? 7? or 8?.. brothers n sisters?..

I'm sharpening my skills on becoming ur stalker.. hahaha.. :p

Just_najmiE said...

baa baa black sheep, july 2009..

unanswered question here.. hehehe.. (^^,)

Silverleaf said...

ohhh sorry...I have 3 elder sisters and younger brother....8 all of us and i'm the 7th....hehhehe ramai kan?

Just_najmiE said...

baa baaaaaaaaaaaa (^^,)

woh, ramaianya!! and I thot 5 was a lot.. hahaa.. are u the manja type?..

Silverleaf said... manja boy will say he's manja....I'm denying it...hehehehe

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