aerial life

    Tired. Yes, after a long time resting from writing any post in the blog. The title is TIRED. What am I tired of?? A lot of things actually... A LOT. Too much a burden for me to handle. My depression is getting worse and my financial status does not look good too. Nothing about me is good now.       One of the thing I am tired off is taking care of other people shits. Well not really other people. Those other people are related to me by blood. I don't know how to start writing what I am tired off but I need to write all my troubles here to ease the pain I'm feeling.  Please mind my grammar here. I don't care about grammar here. I am not writing a research or a  book to be published. I am writing for my own sake.      Okay. I have to start somewhere. Hmmmmmm I'll just start whatever comes to my mind now. Nothing in chronological order. Not like anyone is reading this blog anyway. hahahahahhahahaha and that's the truth!!!!...

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Depression. I know I'm depressed but I don't know how to ask for help. My voice is unheard off. People keeps treating me the same. I moved to new workplace. Not because I hate the old workplace but I want to start a new but the same feeling crept out of its cave and sit in the throne of my mind. Everything in a mess. Figuratively and literally. My room is a mess and I just don't clean it. My mind is in a mess and I can't clean it. Please, if someone read this blog and actually know me in real life. Don't mention anything what you read here. Your so called pity or judgement just going to make it worst. Nobody reads this blog anymore and I know it. I haven't post anything for a long time. At least nothing good. I'm writing now just to let things out of my chest. I hope that no matter what state of mind I'm in, it won't affect my relationship with my mother. I hope she is happy. Always happy. I don't want to worry her. I'm still standing because...

I tend to forgive and forget. Sometimes I forgive before I forget. Usually I forgot what I have forgiven. Seldom forgive to forget. Rarely have to forget to forgive. Never I forgoten to forgive.

I applied for transfer and it was approved. I love my co-workers but I need to change for me. I am stuck at the age of 21 for 13 years... need to be in new skin... act my age... be a better man. I know people would say I could do all that in the same place but it is hard when everybody knows you like what you are and tend to treat you the same... I want to change. The new workplace could be better or worse than now but that is secondary... first I need to be better no matter what kind of challenges awaits me in the new workplace.

Looks. Average. Height. Average. Weight. Average. Health. Average. Strengths. Average. Wealth. Average. Dreams. Average. Love. Average. Temper. Average. Tolerances. Average. Kindness. Average. Empathy. Average. Mind. Average. Soul. Average. Masculinity. Average. Average in all aspects. Anyone needs this average man???