aerial life

I must be evil or something. I felt envy  in my heart every time I scroll down instagram. I see happiness, success, warmth, wealth, health, family, joy, togetherness, adventures, laughter, smiles, appreciation and many positive attributes that made me feel like I achieved nothing of them...

I forsaken God but God haven't forsaken me. I am a sinner. Repeatedly over and over again but I still feel the grace of God. I am grateful and have the urge to change my way of life. I have been postponing the remake of me for so long... I do want to change but I always find reasons to postpone the changes.

You may think nothing can go wrong. life's unpredictable....everything you got can be taken away just like that....all the things you're proud off can be your destruction.....so,hey! don't brag too much....be thankful of what you have and don't be mean to others.....

Today I met a girl. Radiant like the sun and soothing like the night...

What is a perfect life?...I wanted a perfect life and by perfect I interpreted it wrongly. I wanted fortune and wealth. Spend on anything I wanted on. I wanted time. Travel anywhere and anytime I wanted to. I wanted happiness. Friends all around me and family and girls drooling after me. haha... its a nice dream. perfect is just a dream. It is not life when it's perfect. It's a dream.  dreaming is wrong when you dream of something you can never achieved. 

I have to admit. It's dreadful just to admit it... I am a heavy smoker.....I know it's bad for health... not just health...Its bad for my pocket to....hmmm I didn't stated any resolution for this year....well I say this is a good time to state it..... My resolution for this year is to stop smoking....by the end of this year, no more poison will enter my lung......oh oh....people told me not to stop instantly..It's bad for health...the body will be shocked....

I'm still in HK. I wont write a long post just yet...Just wanna post something here. Ohh I should have fun here but everything turned sour when I finally realise that my love life was all fake. I realise that she's not in love with me like I love her. I feel insane right now...dont worry, I'll keep my cool a bit longer.......I'm hurt...its like my heart jump out of the rib and got rolled by a truck. I felt like doing something stupid but my love to my family stopped all the crazy ideas......If there is a pil that can erase my memory and my love for her, I'll get it.......

I took the Mask you're wearing Quiz in facebook and this was what I get "If you wear "The Jester" mask, then you probably like to show yourself having a fun time around others. You laugh, joke, and play around with your friends, but that's probably not really you. Your real you and the one you pretend to be around others are probably worlds apart. For your cherade to end, you just need to figure out for yourself that a true friend will accept you for who you are. Find out that you dont really need to be wearing your mask. " I don't think I wear The Jester mask....This is the mask I'm wearing.... Yeahhhhh!!!!... The Loki mask....Ohhhh don't get me wrong...I don't believe in the 'Norse God' or anything.....It's just the mask explained about me... I like to have a lot of fun and I can change when the situation needs me too....I can put the sad mask or the sarcastic mask...I can read you like a book but usually I ju...

the first day I was at the school was on 3rd of January 2005. It was a bright Monday. I came at 7:10 in the morning at the gate of the school. I turn back and went for a coffee in the nearest town. I was not sure if I was ready for the school or if the school was ready for me. I looked at the calling letter over and aver again. should I go on?...should I go on?.I kept asking myself. Its too late for turning back. I shouldn't went to Maktab in the 1st place...I won't have to face this if I went to Polytechnic or any other varsities.. Why didn't I went for that architecture course?...I like drawing and buildings... ...Why was I so obedience and do it?..kept asking questions with no answer..... The time was 7:20 a.m. I put all my questions to stop... paid the coffee and ride the RGV to school...The loud noise of the exhaust tank was like the echos of all the questions I bear in mind.....why? why? why? why?.... Arrived at school with ironed hard shirt and long black pants....I ...

student "sir you're very hardworking..." Silverleaf "No I'm not....m just like any other teacher in this school" I am lying....the other are all lazy bumps no gooder pirates.....hahahahah I am in my most stressful mood.... the Jemaah Nazir are coming....yup I used 'are'....there will be more than a person and they will even camp here....common just shoot me with a cannon..... Why am I so stressful?.....put on my shoes and you'll understand..... I teach from year 1 until year 6.....I got six classes and three subjects in my schedule. In a day I teach around 8 periods and I teach two SBT classes and one year six extra class....I am the head of panitia and Ko-ku....worse than that I'm also the the ICT teacher and The Data teacher....I do The SBT data...The SMM,SSDM,BMM and many more..... WAITTA MINUTE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It sounded like m being bullied....SHITTTT!!!!! Why didn't I realized this earlier?.....an elder tea...

The image was goggled and taken from "http://www.hecklerspray.com/date/2007/11" Baa baa black sheep Have you any wool? Yes sir, yes sir Three bags full. One for my master, One for my dame, And one for the little boy Who lives down the lane. One to the master, One to the dame, And one to the little boy Who lives down the lane. Baa baa black sheep Have you wool today? No sir, no sir I’ve given it away. A bag to my master, A bag to my dame, A bag to the little boy Who lives down the lane. One to the master One to the dame, And one to the little boy Who lives down the lane. Its been a few days since I wrote anything here. No, I did not go for BTN too ...hehe... The black sheep is back in town....Its not nice to label him that but its the most accurate words to describe him. By him I mean my elder brother. I don't know if I should write this at all. It is like opening a big dark secret to the public. But, this...

Mind the title of this entry... I just felt like writing but had nothing in mind. I put on a new picture for the header...It was taken by a friend and it's the only picture that I don't look saggy and plump... haha.... I just want to thank padlah and shah for all their comments. I really appreciated them. Its half past three and I'm sitting in front of the pc now wasting the taste of a nice sleep...I just can't sleep and I don't really have anything to write. I am babbling yes I know....hahahaha its like My mind is block....I just don't know what to write...Ohhh I should stop now before I drive anyone crazy....good bye... P/S..Oh my sister is up too....she's reading a book for her class tomorrow....Rajin beno kakak aku ni.... kontra betoi ngan aku.....

In my whole life I haven't got trouble with the law. not that I'm a goody two shoes but because I never got caught and all the mishaps I did were well hidden. Today I went to the Magistrate court for a trial. the first time I been in front of a judge. Luckily I'm a good liar. I just got fine of RM50. Alhamdulillah.....

I been lazying around this holiday. I haven't do anything sensible to life. Ooohhh but is just so me..doing nothing is my specialty...its a talent or hmmm should I say a curse. I let my life to this boring path and babble about them on and on again. I watched a lot of movies on the laptop. I got them all from a friend. A friend that had just had his day of happiness. He go engaged last week and I photographed the happiest day of his life for now. The happiest day going to be the wedding day but that is a year to wait. I have to say I hate weddings...not hate like hate, more to envy actually. My girlfriend or if she could be called a girlfriend don't want to get married yet or at least maybe not to me just yet. How more pathetic could i get ohhh yes very pathetic indeed. A man like me have been push away once to many. Maybe I should start looking around now. I have not been doing that since I met her. I don't think I'm hideous enough for the girls to run and scream. Ohh ...

Esok start exam....berani betoi aku masih xbace ape ape....cam ni le setiap kali exam pun....dri sekolah rendah dimane aku kenai ape tu peperiksaan sampei le skg....aku xpnh reti nak study...selamat la selame ni aku masih bleh lulus...tapi lulus besa je le...mgkin berkat doa mak bapak...nbak harapkan usaha aku...hmmmmm.....aku xrase aku leh bertahan macam ni dengan lame...tapi sebenonye aku memang dah malas nak belajo ni nak pergi ulang alik.... hAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH ..... lepas geram sket........ kalo kali ni aku xlepas...aku xrase aku akan sedih sangat....sebab memg aku dah xlarat........hmmmmmmm

It feels too long for my hair to grow back but everything around me seem running faster than usual. I have lot of work to do and it seem that 24 hours a day are just not enough. Planning ahead is just not my specialty. I do plans but I just cannot follow the plans. How I wish that I could stop time for a while...just for two days and I'll finish all the work.

It is Thursday and I feel gloomy. Hmm could it be because I have tonnes of works and some of them are not really mine. It must be that I feel like a coolie that I am gloomy. It could be because I am 26 and I have no girlfriend. It must be I am lonely that I am gloomy. Could be that I wasted all my saving last year and now I am broke. Must be because my financial status is bad that I am gloomy. ohhhh it could be because I have so many assignments and I have not finished them that I am gloomy. It must have been for the workloads. Could it be because I have not eaten yet. Yes, it must be that. I was fine this morning then the JKR came during recess time and took such a long time to leave that I missed my breakfast. Ohhhhhh yup....that's it...!!!

Ola' Master, Being kind is a reward by itself. being kind is not to hope for anything in returns. Helping without hoping anything back is not easy. But once you did it you will want to do more. So let us start practicing to be kind. Do not tell people of what kindness you have done. There is a saying that said "sedekah ngan tangan kanan, tangan kiri pun tak tahu"....kind of sounded that way. I'm not very good in remembering every words but that is how it almost sound. Hmm from now on I will try to be kind. being kind will make me feel human. This is one of the things that differentiate between us human and animal. Master, friends, let us start this campaign together. I read in reader's digest that kind people are healthier. I do not know how they measure it but I do believe it myself.

OH master, The day started with grace. everything was fine but then after midnight on the beginning of your 26th anniversary you gone wild. I was almost dead when you stream back to your old dark way. thank god you did not went all the way to the realm of devils. Control yourself. You are not as young as you once were. Remember that death is always near. Clinging to your every move.