Tuesday, January 27, 2009

tulisan merepek....

I posted so many ridiculous entry lately... imagination overflow...nothing was quite real...Think I should stop...maybe I ought to write a book...hmmmm I am not quite sure how should I started it...my vocabulary is limited and I got poor style of writing...I think its going to be fine as it will never be publish...

What will I write about..?

I am going to write about a group of agents who called themselves The Invisible Masquerade...They are people that corrected what are wrong in the world. I will tell about a character in the Invisible Masquerade. He was assign to a dark country where the ruler is a cruel man that reign for 100 years...there have been shadow masquerade before that attempt to corrected the country but all have failed....hmmm the world in this book will be different from our world..its not like our modern world and not medieval too...its like the Tanah Melayu...so just imagine the place like that...Ohhh and there will be creatures of the dark and cursed and magic...hmmm and giant like Sang kelembai...turn people to stone...the were-tiger...the dog head demons...the white crocodile bujang senang...the 7 elven princesses ...oh oh....my head gonna explode from all the ideas....better start writing them down.....bye....

p/s.....I know m gonna stop halfway... then I will deleted it all....

Letter to the enemy...

Dear enemy,

I know what you are trying to do. I am not as stupid as you think I am. I destroyed people like you long before you ever hated me. I am sorry to say that destroying you is going to be fun. This is a dangerous game you are playing. Let me remind you that I am a master of this game. You should tremble going against me. Why are you doing all this? Haven't you see what I can do? Have you learn nothing? and by the way, stop hiding under that sheep clothing. I could smell your awful odor from far. The mask you are wearing is ridiculous. You do need to brush up on your acting skills. If you had observed what I did before then you could play the same trick. I am happy to tell you that I am anxious for your challenge. I have not using my finest craft yet. This will be the chance for me to full use my skills.

Your sincerely,

Dark Heart Masquerade


P/S : Don't even try to persuade my old foes. They are too afraid to even mention my name.[this letter is not for any body that is 100 km radius from where it is written]


Sunday, January 25, 2009

lies and truth

lies...you live with lies all your life that the truth hurts you now...lies are all you know...lies lies and lies...you think you can be happy with them but no you wont...at the end of the day you'll be sobbing for the lies you made...

The truth...the truth will hurt me...I cant tell the truth now...everything will chides away hearing the truth...they will be afraid of the truth...let me lie for a while...

hurt?...aren't you in pain now?...at least you can be yourself with the truth...
I cant bring the lights to you anymore...I am faded...I cant shine your day anymore...I am diminishing..I cant scared the serpents anymore...I am without flame...I am plain...I am weak...You have to fight the darkness alone now...I wish you well...

Red is coming...

Red is coming....
I awaited for it for long..
I hope this time it will paint my heart..
I am bored with Grey...

Red is bold...
Grey is lonely...
Red is laughter...
Grey is tear...

the colour Grey

My heart is the color Grey
it sobs and it curse
splinters all around it
splinter that have been put
by people who said they are friends



Sunday, January 18, 2009

vengence will only rotten your heart...

Learn to forgive...don't keep everything as vengeance...people say that revenge is sweet...but are you really sure about that?....people will stay away from you...you smell bad with vengeance..... You will loose friends and you will feel this hollow inside you....God wont listen to your prayer...nobody will like you anymore...is that what you want....If you really want that then do what you want to......Maybe you like being alone....people that will be around you then will not be your true friends...they'll be there because they are afraid of you....good ridden people like you...I never feel glad being close to this kind of people... If you read this and you hate me so much then leave me or I'll leave you....There is no point being close to some one that are full of vengeance...mark my words little friend,.....if you keep on being like this and then you will be alone...

Dont try to be my best friend if you still want to be my friend

yup that's the truth....for quite sometimes now every one who think they were my best friend end up hurting themselves...I am sorry but I am just not a best friend materials...I don't know how to be a best friend... I will not just hang out with you...I will not do everything with you...Don't tie me up with all your activities..... Don't sulk when I won't follow you around...hmmmm I am just not that kind of a friend.... I am truly sorry...

Friday, January 16, 2009

Be ur self

A friend said that....that is the last thing I want to be...

negative vibes go awayyy!!!

I have too much negative vibes....Hmmm Y is this?....I need some one with positive vibes to complete me....its like a battery...it need the negative and positive.......I think....

Thursday, January 15, 2009

padan muka....

now... m lonely....padan muka aku...ikut perasaan sangat... xde2....aku kene jaga ego aku....hmmm baiklah mister Ego....mari kite lagi ego hahahahahahaha....sob3x... sunyinye.....

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

shifting to a new me...

I hated myself...now I'm changing to a new me.Maybe you would not like the new me but I hope I will like the new me. bye bye ignorant.....

I hate you. I always let you get your way trough my nerves now I am ditching you. Bye bye bullies...

People said I only befriends with people that I can use. Now I'm leaving all the people that I can't use and it includes you. Bye bye useless...

now I have no one...now I am back at the beginning...Now I have to work it out to the top...now I need to find my dream...Good bye the old me...

What is friendship?

Questions in my mind...its like a puzzle I can't solve..

People said that friendship is base on trust....

Does that mean if I cannot trust a person then he/she is not my friend anymore?

Does that mean I have to ditch him/her?

I don't like the sound of that...its mean....I have never consider to do that...If I don't like that somebody I usually get out of his/her sight until I am sooth enough to face him/her.....There were times when I did that..and I might do that again...or maybe that is as mean...I just don't know....maybe I am mean.....

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

one more time.... I say what I mean but I dont mean what I said...


The BLOG...this is my escape from the reality. I might say something that I would never say in the real world. I can say whatever I want in here. Some of the things that I say here are not what I really meant to say. When I am angry,sad,lonely and happy I might say something here that are not my courteous way of speech in the real world.

I don't like it when some people copy and then paste it on my friendster. This is my alter ego. Don't mix them with reality, the world that I live on. Now I understand why some blogger don't like it when their friends or relatives found out about their blogs. I feel like shifting to new blog but I don't want to loose the friends that I made in this blog sphere.

The world could be so mean sometimes and here I am escaping from it. Let me be free here, don't cage my words of expectant. This is where I can do whatever I want to.

Darkheart...I choose that name for the sole purpose. Its the dark side of my heart that is speaking in here. and for your information, I don't look dark as evil. Dark in my own interpretation in here is somewhere where it is cold,alone and place of solitary. Let me roam around this dark. I can cry,laugh,scream, get naked or anything I want in the dark. If you beam your torch at me I'll run. I don't want the lights feast on my dark heart...It ruins everything.

I am nothing but a fool

Hmmm I failed the road test...I never imagine that I will.....it was usually fine in the training....The JPJ was so serious that it chickened me out....I excel the parking and the hill test...I thought it be easy on the road...Hmmm but this didn't surprise me..I been in bad lucks all my life...Its the way I handled them that make them invisible to my mouring heart....Ohhh I just know what that idiot from Talang going to say..he has such high arrogant and a mouth like a bitch...its gonna be hell just hearing them..Ooohh I should ignored anybody until I retake the test.. I haven't told Miss Dragonfly yet...I know she will try sooth me out but don't think I need that....

The JPJ said if I retake the test again, he will supervised me again..Ohhhh no....I hope its not going to be him...I wish it could be the lady..that young beautiful lady JPJ that I saw...atleast I won't feel nervous..I don't want to see that thick moustache jpj with stern face and always clicking his pen...thats distracted my attention...hearing as he clicked the pen over and over again...ishhhhhh its disturbing......and that car behind me....Hey cut me some slack...its only took couple of second for me to change the gear at the traffic light....You don't need to honks me...what a buffoon...its not that you were late for work or something...I can see how old you are....nobody goes to work at 11.00 O'Clock in the morning....you must be a pensioner or something....

Ohhh is it a sin to cursed an older man?...But I'm still furious...at least I gave him a smiled even when he gave me that hell of honks...BUFFOON!!

I am very ashame of myself....I'll be 26 this march and I don't have driving lisence....what a looser!!!!


Monday, January 12, 2009

leave the past, be carefull of the present and look into the future

Don't tell your past to people..just take care on your steps now..plan for every big leaps that you have to take and you'll be fine..hmm that what I should do..I was too stupid that I told the past that I'm not proud off to a person I called friend..and now I'm regeretting every cents of it..he used it againts me from time to time..try to bring me down to the pitt..kick me off my nest..what a fool I am..maybe I should fly and join other flock..it is not fun to fly with this flock anymore..I can't spread my wings here..it felt heavy..What the use of these wings if I can't use it..

sometimes you need to loose.....

I learned that sometimes I have to loose and let time do it's magic....

Saturday, January 10, 2009

I need a dream....

I need a dream.......some one asked me " what is your dream?" and I can't answer it.

I never had a dream before...I usually made it up if some one asked me so that it seem that I'm no different, I have goals in my life....but really I have nothing....I am some one who have nothing to chase.....

How do you know what you want in life?

How do you know that you want it so bad?

Tell me this please....maybe I have dreams that I didn't realize I have...Ohhh if I know what it is...if just I know what it is, I will plan trough it.....I'll crooss any ocean and hike any mountain to achieve it....but what is it?...what is a dream?.....

Hmmmm its weird though....people always think that I have high ambition....I am not sure of it myself.....all that I ever done is drifting according to the flow....I just know where to drift and where to stop....I hike the right mountain by chance...I walked the right path by guidance.....all my life I listen and I calculate and I do what is right for me.....

I am a teacher now...and I always tell my students to follow their dreams....I made them have dreams....I show them what to dream about....but I....I have none of that myself......I became a teacher because of my parents....my mother wanted to be a teacher herself when she was young....she almost became a teacher if not because of the poverty they lived before.....she made me a teacher.....I live on her dream.....She is so happy of what I achived.... I achived lots of things in a short time.....people are suprise too....then again, is this what I always wanted?....I don't know because I have no dream....

don't get me wrong, I like doing what I do now....I know it's a holly thing to do.....but sometimes it made me wonder of what else I could be doing other than teaching....can I be a lawyer?...a doctor?..a postman?...or perhaps an engineer?......or maybe an architect?...or maybe I'm fit to be a wrestler...hahahah.....

even though I didn't have a dream.....but I do know planning is important...everything I do is well planned....and that made me a boring person.....I tried being wild once in while...and then I won't like it.........I felt its wrong even though nobody said anything about it.....last Sunday I dyed my hair brown...I did it without thinking first....it looked nice enough and shockingly nobody disagreed on it, I didn't get in trouble with it....the teachers said nothing...even the Headmistress and the Nazir that came to school....I could just let it stayed like that but I didn't......I cut it short.....almost shaved it.....nobody asked me too but i just felt stupid...huhuhuhu...maybe thats it....I'm just plain dumb....

hmmmm I'll upload the pictures with the stupid dead fox on my head next time......Its time to sleep now......and dream....

maybe then I can sing this....

I have a dream, a song to sing
To help me cope with anything
If you see the wonder of a fairy tale
You can take the future even if you fail
I believe in angels
Something good in everything I see
I believe in angels
When I know the time is right for me
I'll cross the stream - I have a dream

I have a dream, a fantasy
To help me through reality
And my destination makes it worth the while
Pushing through the darkness still another mile
I believe in angels
Something good in everything I see
I Have A Dream lyrics on
http://music.yeucahat.com/song/English/10022-I-Have-A-Dream~Westlife.html

I believe in angels
When I know the time is right for me
I'll cross the stream - I have a dream
I'll cross the stream - I have a dream

I have a dream, a song to sing
To help me cope with anything
If you see the wonder of a fairy tale
You can take the future even if you fail
I believe in angels
Something good in everything I see
I believe in angels
When I know the time is right for me
I'll cross the stream - I have a dream
I'll cross the stream - I have a dream


Saturday, January 3, 2009

I say what I mean but I don't mean what I say.

hmmmmm atlast after some drama that I played now I get my moonies.....I didn't mean what I said in the previous post......ok maybe a little bit...

Money, money, money, its so funny in a rich man's world.....

Not funny in my case.....now i need more than a thousand bucks to pay for the fees....and the piggy bank is breeding dust....its so funny, every paycheck i got there will always be somebody to loan a portion of it.......and they never pay back.....now that i need money the most they just acted like they owe me nothing....ohhhh this is how the world revolve.....ok...I can play the stingy man game.....to all the people that owe me, dnt worry I'm not a loan shark that will come and hunt you down like a dog.....but dont you ever ask me anything more after this....Ohhhh i will still regard you as friends but thats it....friends to hang out only....dont come begging anymore......

Friday, January 2, 2009

aku nak pergi sini....................

http://www.verygoldcoast.com.au/destinations/
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